His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
