she was so not down for the gang bang
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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