Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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