This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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