I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
