guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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