You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
