There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i need some magic done to my vagina
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
