I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
