Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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