Fine. I'll sleep in my office
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
