The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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