The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
