He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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