Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize