I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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