You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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