just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
