i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
