peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
