Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
