Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize