if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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