I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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