Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
