dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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