The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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