Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
