In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Randomize
