I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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