I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
