It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
