Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
