one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
