My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
