my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
