Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
