i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
