worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
