it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
