she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
