Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
