some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
