You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
