I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
