So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
