now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
