I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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