cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize