My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
