Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
