I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
