someone threw a dead crab at me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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