I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
