mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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