I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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