There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
