Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
