jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
