In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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