Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize