it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
