Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
