This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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