Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
