Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
