my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
