the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
