I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
