just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
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That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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