Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
